One day I stopped looking for you,
I was too tired of reading the great books
The quotes of the mighty sages
The poems of the prophets, and
And commentaries of the wise
I was tired of living the good and the bad
Wishing I would meet you in a lover’s eyes
The accolades from the prestigious schools
A respected career, in the service to your people
In daily living, in giving back and paying forward
In the solitude of the night
I obsessed about you
You know, everything about you
Your smell and stride and bubbly highs.
Everyone has their weakness,
And everyone knows that mine is you.
This infatuation is infuriating
I have no space in my mind,
Every ounce of my awakened day,
Absorbed in reliving your smile.
The wound that is slow to heal,
A once dormant microbe suddenly active,
My nail is out, they removed it with no anesthesia
As if I had a top secret, a criminal, a terrorist from afar.
Why does this wound not go away,
A screaming agony from inside,
Impeding mobility, speed, and balance,
Three months now and endless painkillers.
I sit in my porch and wonder,
This Covid nineteen,
Or is it twenty, or twenty-one?
I am bored to death but scared even more.
Oh those were the days,
The housewives’ meetings,
The coffee mornings at the scrabble club
The too-good-to- be- true chit chat.
There is an emotion called “fat”,
It is what happens to you,
When people say, you have put on weight,
‘Oh look at you, better shed the flesh’.
‘Oh my, someone’s been indulging,’
‘Oh, don’t be upset, this is for your own good’,
‘What a pretty face you have,
In vain, all that beauty.’
Like a silent dark angel,
A fluttering of the wings,
Against the inner linings of the mind,
A sense of suspicion you think.
Benefit of the doubt,
You know you want to give,
But something is not right,
The rest, it just doesn’t fit in.